Seasonal Affective Depression Disorder

Seasonal Affective Depression Disorder or SADD, is a form of depression that is directly linked to or caused by the weather or time of year. Why you ask am I telling you this? I'm telling you this because it is a very real form of depression that I personally suffer from. There are two types, Summer and Winter. I always thought it was only related to Winter weather but apparently some people can be affected by the Summer weather as well.

Don't get me wrong, I suffer from depression ALL the time. I had been medicated off and on since my late teens/early twenties. But after I had The Man I have been medicated permanently. After I had The Man I saw a Dr. who thought I may be Bi-Polar. When I called my mom and told her this possible diagnosis her first response was "Oh My gosh don't tell anyone" What? Now this was six years ago but it has still bothered me a little bit. Like if I had diabetes or cancer or high blood pressure, would she still have said "Don't tell anyone" probably not. But it is the same thing, depression is when your body/brain is not working or clicking the way it should. For the record I was not diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder, however,it would not have surprised me.

Even though I take my meds every day, this year is hitting particularly hard. I don't know why but this past week has been brutal.
Symptoms of winter-onset seasonal affective disorder include:

■Depressed mood
■Irritability
■Hopelessness
■Anxiety
■Loss of energy
■Social withdrawal
■Oversleeping (feeling like you want to hibernate)
■Loss of interest in activities you normally enjoy
■Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates such as pastas, rice, bread and cereal
■Weight gain
■Difficulty concentrating and processing information

Now the fact that I live in a frozen tundra does NOT help this. Every year at this time, I start dreaming about palm trees and sunshine to the point that I want to call a realtor, put the house on the market, and Chris registered for a couple of job seeker sites today. I'm not saying we are moving because I am fairly certain that will never happen but my dream would be to move south....immediately.

Other than meds and moving 700 miles away there are a couple different ways to treat this. I have gone tanning in the past which helps, but is expensive, bad for my skin, and part of the depression is that it's hard to leave the house :) (aka catch 22) There are also light therapy boxes to sit in front of, that are available so I am looking into finding one but they are also not free.

I don't share this with all of you because I am looking for sympathy or let me know what I can do for you stuff, because I wish there was something someone could do. But it is what it is. I share this because if I seem distant blah blah blah this is why. I'm working on it. I don't like it, it's not fun but it's not personal to anyone else, it's my deal and I really do my best to put on a good show, but this week it's not working out so well.

I am so blessed in so many ways and in my brain I keep telling myself that I don't have a "good reason" to feel depressed but I can't help it, and that is what is so frustrating. This may come as a shock to many of you (all 3 of you that read my blog) but I am a little controlling... I know, I know, catch your breath, and the fact that I cannot control this almost makes it worse. I can't even think of anything sarcastic or snarky to say. That is never a good sign. But I will get through. I just may not leave my house until March or so.

Santa... What's the big freaking deal?

Let me preface this post with....I DO NOT ENJOY CHRISTMAS! Here are the reasons.

It's cold....I hate cold.
Christmas songs are dumb.(except for the Forgotten Carols)
I never know what to get people, and so I get them something just to get them something and I think it is dumb.
People act like stressed out a-holes. (including me)
Other than A Christmas Story, Christmas movies are dumb.


Those are just a few I'm sure I could go on and on. I do respect the holiday where we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but I don't enjoy the "season". I probably would if I could put Christmas lights in a palm tree but that is a different post for a different day.

To my point: What is the big damn deal with letting your kids believe in Santa? We all have those friends who look down their nose and in their best Julia Child voice say " We want our children to celebrate the truuuuuue meaning of Christmas. We don't place emphasis on Santa".

Why, Why, Why?? What is so wrong with letting little kids be kids for just a little while? The window is so small, the magic is so short. You only get a few years where it is really magical and then they figure it out, and it's ok, they still look forward to Christmas and we talk more about Jesus and service and the "truuuuue" meaning of Christmas. But there are YEARS for that, YEARS for service and teaching all of those great values. But just for a little while can we just let them believe in magic? Believe that there is this person who loves little children and wants them to be happy and wants to bring them presents for no other reason other than he loves them? Hmmmm sounds like someone else we know...Jesus perhaps?

I have heard someone say that they don't want some fictional character taking credit for the presents they give their kids. SERIOUSLY??? Are you that selfish? I bet those people never provide service without making sure people know about it too. I have no problem letting me kids think that someone out there loves them as much as I do. We are so blessed to be in a position to provide that for our children, and I will be sad when they don't believe anymore.

Because, as much as I hate everyone else at Christmas and all the crap, I love it for my kids.

So quit looking down your nose, get off your high horse and let kids be kids.

For Courtney

I owe my bestest Internet friend Courtney an ode....however, I have been so insanely busy that I have not had time to really do her ode justice so in the meantime. I would like to personally thank her for my darling Snuggie. That's right my friends a person that I met on the Internet who I don't actually "know" loved me enough to send me a snuggie. She ROCKS!!!! Just ask her she'll tell you ;) This is for you my darling wonderful friend! I heart you! I promise the ode is coming.

Evolution

I created this blog because everyone else was doing it. I'm a copier of the finest caliber. But I like to refer to "copying" someone else as flattering them. ie. I think you are so cool, and the way you decorated your living room was so cool, and I'm so cool that I must copy that. Sometimes I feel bad because I wish I had my "own" creative ideas and when that happens I get REALLY excited and tell everyone! "Hey guess what I thought up on my very own?" "Oh really you saw that on DIY?" "Well I'm sure I thought of it first" I know I didn't, but I feel the same way when I am working on new products for the website. I try to adapt a thing here or there, but for the most part I've been what I like to call "inspired" by someone else's work.

To make a long story longer. My blog is evolving from a journal about what is going on in our lives to a journal of what I am thinking and feeling at any given time and I want to write about things that inspire me.

I read a lot of blogs and there are several that inspire me to write about things that matter to me, not just what my kids did last week. In my blog stalking I found this awesome woman who is funny, smart, and sarcastic and sometime this week I will give her, her very own ode! Courtkneerawks is a fun blog and I heart her!

The second blog that inspires me is written by my friend Cyndi who has gone through more in the last six months than any one person should be required to with her marriage and her husband. The Greenest Grass is her feelings on what is going on in her life. She is a fantastic writer and I hope that someday I can have even a speck of her humility and faith. Not to mention she has freaking cute kids :)

Anyway, if you no longer want to read my blog that is fine, because it is going to be for me now, not for anybody else. I need that in my life right now. Everything I do (as I know all mothers feel this way) is for someone else. Whether it's for my kids, my husband, the day care kids,customers, family, neighbors and friends and all of the other wonderful people in my life who I love to do things for. I am overwhelmed and I need an out that is just for me, so this is it.

I don't ever intend to offend anyone but since this blog is going to be for me I have stuff to say. It's about me, not you, and please don't take anything said here personally, unless I use your name of course.

I have super strong opinions about lots of things. (I know your shocked right now) but believe it or not I hold back A LOT! All because I don't want to offend someone, and believe me I don't want to offend someone but I'm going to explode soon if I can't get some stuff out. You may ask "then why not just make it private? and write a journal in Word or something" I've thought about that, but I'm hoping that maybe someone will want to hear what I have to say, or maybe someone else will be "inspired" to say what they have on their mind instead of worrying about what others will think. I tend to be a people pleaser, I don't want to tell people NO, because they will think I am not reliable, or I don't like them. I'm really insecure that way. So instead of saying No, to others I'm going to say Yes to myself and try and figure out who I am. Because after 32 years I really have no idea.

So Not Cool With Public Honesty

My soul sister Courtney (see previous post) awarded me this lovely award. I think she just wanted to see if I could "let it all out" so here are the rules and the deal.

1. Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design or those who have encouraged you.

2. Tell those people they’ve been awarded the HONEST SCRAP AWARD and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.

3. Share “10 honest things” about yourself.

Here are the 10 Honest Things.

1. I'm not comfortable with being completely honest. I was raised properly and you don't ever tell the honest truth in public, you talk behind people's back and don't let your true feeling show.

2. Some time's when I walk the half block to my mail box to pick up the mail, I want to keep on walking, and usually there are 4-6 kids in my house. (Don't worry mom's I've never really done it)

3. I, like someone else I know (wink, wink) am not a huge fan of "mommy blogs" I don't really need to hear every time little Sally smiled from gas. (I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, I love you all so much) Told you, really uncomfortable right now.

4. I think humor that is really vulgar is really funny. Actually the more vulgar the funnier, I don't care if it is wrong.

5. This probably is not so much new for most of you, but I have a terrible potty mouth. It's bad, I'm not proud of it, I'm actually pretty ashamed of it, but I'm pretty sure I could make any sailor blush.

6. I don't love my job. Shocking I realize...but day care is really, really hard, and sometimes people's kids are really, really annoying.

7. There are people in my extended family that I would love to punch in the face, because they are selfish users.

8. I love UFC, Football, and just about any other sport. I love watching grown men beat the crap out of each other. Especially UFC, if someone gets knocked out, my day is complete.

9. I lust my husband, I think he is crazy hot, and he is my best friend. (He puts up with a lot, I have issues)

10. I don't have my tickets to New Moon, I don't really care, I'll see it eventually. I've read the Twilight book and they DID NOT change my life and I'm not in love with Edward.


I would like to bestow this honor on the following:

Cyndi at The Greenest Grass
Hillary at Dumbarton Bridge
Heidi at My Cute Little Family
Amy at Scatter Sunshine
Anyone else that reads this and wants to do it, I would love to see you squirm.

I pulled a Dooce!

So a little background. For a while now I have been a faithful follower and fan of a blog called Dooce.com. Her real name is Heather Armstrong and she is a "mommy blogger" however, she is my style of mommy. She tells it like it is, she swears a lot and talks about how people bug her but truly loves her children and her family and I can relate, because she also talks about how her children and husband bug her and do crazy things and I can relate. My blog here tends to be all happy, happy which you all know is not true since it is not laced with my usual wit and sarcasm that you can get up close and personal.

Anyway, a few months ago this powerful mommy blogger named dooce, was having a HUGE problem with a very expensive new washer she had purchased and was not getting the answers she needed with their customer service dept. So she did what every woman should do, she griped about it on a public forum to her friends. TWITTER! She has like 1.4 MILLION followers so when she spoke about her issues this company listened, and they fixed the problem kissed her ass and got it all taken care of. I think that is freaking awesome.

So last week, Chris changed our TV service from DirecTV to DishNetwork. Why you may ask? Why is right. I was FURIOUS dish wouldn't do the stuff that I wanted it to and I wanted my DirecTV back. I was throwing the biggest temper tantrum ever! Next to yesterday, but that is a totally different ball of wax. I watch a lot of TV people, I am stuck here all day long and I stay up really late to tie bows, and make flowers and generally run my business, so I watch A LOT of TV. Don't judge. You probably get to leave your house everyday. So when I couldn't do everything I could do before, I was LIVID!!!! So with all of my 227 followers on Twitter I griped about Dish Network, and guess what? They heard me!!! They responded to little ole me, because I was griping about them on Twitter. How freaking cool is that? They even called me on the phone...called me...I didn't call them and sit through 20 minutes of push this and push that and someone will be with you in a moment. No, No, they called me!!!

Can I do what I wanted on DishNetwork that I could do on DirecTV? NO! But who cares, I complained, they heard, and now I am cool because I pulled a Dooce!

My best internet friend in the world Courtney at Courtkneerawks said I was a Rockstar! and that I must blog about this. Plus you must check out her most recent post, because it was just for me and it has totally made my day! Thank you Courtney, I had a totally crappy weekend and I love your full length snuggie shot!! YOU are a rockstar!

My Favorite Team

 

We had a really fun Halloween this year. We spent the evening with some friends and the kids made a killing on the candy. Mclayne decided last year it would be really cool to be a "blind ref" which is so NOT PC but hilarious, and since Chandler lives, breathes, and eats football his choice was clear. Delaney got stuck with the cheerleader since it fit into the general theme, and isn't she cute?