Summer!!!! What summer?

It's summer?! I shouldn't be surprised, I knew it was coming. It took a little longer to get here this year, and believe me I noticed how long it took. I needed Summer this year, I craved it and couldn't wait for it to get here. The problem is, we are so incredibly busy that I felt like it was over before it even started.

All 3 kids played baseball this year. Chris was Delaney's coach, he helped with Chandler's team and ended up assistant coaching Mclayne's team.

I was not just loafing in my lawn chair during these games though. I haven't written much about it here but we are obviously pretty involved in our kids sports, and this year we are even more involved. Our city started a Football Booster Club and I threw my hat in the ring and am one of 3 Vice President's in the booster club. We have lots of meetings and are doing concessions at baseball games and are running fundraisers and events. It is fun and exhausting, and I love it.

Football doesn't even officially start until next week and I'm wondering how much longer it is going to be ;) We have a lot of events coming up and it is busy and exciting.

Chris is coaching Chandler this year and he is SUPER excited to play football.

My concern at this point is that I am waiting to lose my S***. When I get overwhelmed and really busy that is what happens. I eventually lose it, I have a breakdown, freak out and lose my s***. When I expressed this concern to my therapist she said "why?" why do you have to lose it? Well I guess I don't . I am making the choice this time not to lose it.

I realize it is my choice to add all of these things to my plate. But I like it! I like to be involved I like to help out. I've always felt like if I didn't like something then I should be part of the solution not the problem. I can't stand to listen to people complain about things but when they have the opportunity to "help" they don't. So I'm involved. That's all.

I have so many things I want to write about, hopefully I won't wait 6 months again to blog.

Bless us to return home in safety, and find all is well there.....

These are words that are often spoken during a closing prayer at any church activity. Please dear Lord when we return home let us find all is well there.
Last week we returned home and found that all was not well here. All was very, very, wrong here. When we left for church early Sunday morning it was snowing very hard and when we returned home it was shaping up to be a decent day and I was excited to come home and lounge on my new couch. (It has been 10 years since we purchased a new couch)
As we pulled near our driveway I noticed a second set of tire tracks and asked Chris if he had come home from church….he said very slowly “no” at about the same time the garage door was about half way up and he said “Where the eff is my car?” I cannot even begin to express to you in actual words what this exact moment felt like. I was in shock, denial, confusion, and I felt like I was going to throw up. We pulled into the garage and immediately knew we were in trouble. The door from the garage to the house was wide open. We told the kids to stay in the car and ran in the house. I remember saying “don’t touch anything” I knew in my heart that the car wasn’t the only thing missing, and I was right. Chris got in the house first and yelled “the TV. is gone” I immediately grabbed the phone and dialed 911, and proceeded to look around the rest of the house. My laptop was also missing. As well as Mac’s camera we bought him for Christmas and about $65 he had in his wallet. The 911 dispatcher was very kind and said she would send someone out, after getting the info on the car etc. (I’m going to do a post in the near future on how to be better prepared for something like this because we were not) I ran outside and started asking my neighbors who were outside shoveling if they had seen anything and of course no one had.
The thieves jumped our side gate, which is pad locked and got in through the back door leading from the yard to the garage which was not locked and then walked right into our house. Loaded what they could grab into our car, backed out of our garage, closed the door, and drove away.
Our sweet next door neighbors took our kids into their house and fed them while we waited for the police to arrive and dust for fingerprints. I was hysterical to say the least I felt so incredibly helpless I wanted to do SOMETHING!! Just sitting there was too much. I got in the car and called my brother and asked him to start looking on KSL for our items I thought the thieves would try and sell them fast. Then I drove to my parent’s church, and got them out of Sunday school. Sometimes a girl just needs her mommy and daddy and this was one of those times.
Not to make a long story longer….but that night we went to the hardware store and bought new locks and doorknobs and it’s like Fort Knox around here now. I’m actually pretty nervous that I’m going to lock myself out.
They didn’t get any prints out of our house, but a very attentive and nice Davis County Sheriff’s deputy found our car on Thursday and they were able to pull some prints off our car so hopefully they will be able to track down whoever did this.
Home theft isn’t traumatic because someone took our “stuff” it’s traumatic because someone felt that they had the right to enter my home and take what they wanted. It’s also about the stuff within the stuff. My business was on the laptop. I think I had most of it backed up. But it also contained 2 years worth of pictures and all my business pictures that were not backed up. Mac’s camera had all of our pics from Christmas this year as well as video’s of him and his cousin skiing and pictures of him winning 1st place in the district science fair. THAT SUCKS!!!! It sucks huge rocks and I’m pissed!! I’m so angry and I really want to punch someone in the face. No one has the right to enter my home! If I want to leave my laptop out, or leave money on the counter, IT’S MY HOME!!! I should be able to do that without worrying that someone could get in and steal from me. For now those days are over, I think about it all the time and I am super paranoid.
The worst part is what this has done to our kids. Especially Mac…..he is worried all the time and I hate it. He is a pretty high intensity kid anyway but this has really amped it up. Whenever we leave the house they come back and all three of them check to make sure “everything is here” We had never thought about it before.
We are going to be ok. We have State Farm insurance and if you are looking for a new agent let me know because mine is the bomb diggity (do people even say that anymore) I don’t care he is! They took great care of us and I am so grateful for wonderful people this week who have taken great care of us.
I want to thank our family, our parents and our brothers and sisters who have checked on us and prayed for us and our friends who have also been there for us in this difficult time.

I have some messed up dreams

The worst part about my messed up dreams is that I remember them, sometimes for days!! The least of my most recent messed up dreams was the one I had Friday night where I decided I was going to have to have another baby because something bad was going to happen to one of my kids so I needed to get on having another one right away and while driving pulled my IUD out of my throat. I warned you! Messed up!

Last night I had two separate dreams about two separate women that are no longer in my life, who at one point I considered friends. Needless to say they bugged me enough that now I feel the need to blog about it.

I wrote last year that the blog would be a way for me to get some of my feelings out as I try to work through my crazy pants issues. However, I don't really feel like I have done that. There are a couple of reasons.

1. I don't want to freak people out. I'm not sure that the 3 people who may possibly read my blog can handle it. I'm a fruit loop and I don't want people looking at me in that strange "did you bring a knife to church with you" way.

2. I don't feel these crazy feelings all the time. I just have moments that mess with me and through therapy hopefully I am getting through some of them.

3. I'm not medicated. Your shocked right? I've been medicated off and on since I was 18 and the fact that I have been med free since July is scary for everyone.
I am hoping to remedy that today. I have a Dr's appt and I'm ready to start drinking the kool aid again. *revised* Dr office just called and changed my appt to next week so don't expect anything special out of me until then*

How does this relate to my dreams? It's the women who are no longer my friends part. I have dis-associated myself with several of my friends over the last year. Not because they are not good people and not because I don't want to be their friend. But because I have enough of my own issues that I couldn't deal with theirs. That may sound totally selfish and I'm OK with that. However, my therapist says, (which is my new favorite saying by the way) that it is OK for me to not be friends with people that make me feel bad. I choose my friends and if they hurt me or make me feel sad I don't have to be their friend anymore. I realize that sounds obvious, but it is surprising how many relationships I have been maintaining because I felt like I HAD to, not because I wanted to.

One of the "friends" is someone I worked with/for for a long time and we have not been "friends" for a long time, and in the dream we weren't friends. She was screaming at me as usual and freaking out about stuff that neither one of us had any control over. Just like the old days and the reason we are not friends or co-workers anymore so I'm OK with that one.

The one that is bugging me is the dream I had about a friend who I cut out of my life because she was doing JACKED up stuff and screwed me over financially, she owes me a couple hundred dollars which may not sound like a lot but I would NEVER EVER do that to someone I cared about because it is a lot to us. Since one of the three people who read this blog might know said friend I won't use any names and she won't read this but I don't want to totally throw her under the bus. I digress. In my dream she came to my house and she looked awesome! She was healthy and beautiful and we embraced and she apologized and I apologized and we were sisters again. I miss her. I refuse to tell her that now because she needs to be cut out of my life, I need her to be cut out of my life because I can't handle her B.S. but someday I hope this messed up dream comes true.

It's a Brand New Year!!!

And I don't really care :) I've never been one for big New Year's Celebrations and kissing the previous year goodbye. We have ups and downs just like everyone else. But we always grow and learn and move on. I'm not even sure I could list the things that have happened (good or bad) this year. We are all relatively healthy, and I have 3 beautiful, smart,and somewhat annoying children whom I love and adore. A wonderful husband who I think is the bee's knee's and we are blessed with a roof over our head, food in our bellies and a wonderful extended family.
I still wish they could visit us in Arizona, but for now I am working through the cold and the dark, always trying to change and move!
I'm a big believer in moving and changing. I LOVE change! Obviously some changes are better than others and some changes are not always welcome. But if we are not constantly changing and moving life would be SOOOOO boring! Life would be like the movie Groundhog Day. Doing the same things over and over again. Do you know the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I have my own brand of crazy I don't need to be insane as well.
I don't make New Year's resolutions, I think they set me up to fail and cause me undue stress. Plus if you need to make changes in your life, make them. The calendar doesn't need to change for you to change.

I will get off my soapbox now and wish you all a Safe, Happy, and Prosperous New Year!!!