This is not a filthy post I promise. A couple of months ago I purchased an Ipod touch for myself, and I LOVE it!! It is the best thing I ever purchased for myself. I can do all sorts of cool stuff, from check the weather, facebook, twitter, my e-mail. I play games with friends all over the country, and I can download my own games for when I'm waiting...anywhere. I have also found some great apps for my kids to practice letters, timetables, and states and capitals.
Last week my fabulous friend Heather got an Ipad and I WANT ONE it is pure awesomeness and I am trying to win one so check out this link Airport Suppliers Directoryand maybe you can win one to.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Our First Full day in Cali
I like to call it Cali, like I'm from there. My dad is from there and my best friend lives there so does that count? Plus I've been there twice this year. Once to Northern Cali and once to Southern Cali. Which I think they should be two seperate states. Like North and South Dakota, North and South Carolina. They should be two. North and South California. But that's just me.
On with our story. On our first full day we went to Sea World!!! I LOVE Sea World. There is just something so cool about these beautiful, graceful animals being so close and awesome, and it doesn't stink like the zoo. We got there right after it opened (which is key people if you are visiting these major attractions) arrive early!!! The reason you ask? Because no one else does, and you get a good parking spot and in the gates fast and you can see the major attractions first thing before the lines get too long.
We bought our tickets on-line, when you do this, you actually create and print a ticket for each member of the family with their name on the ticket. Then you just go to the gate they scan your paper and in you go. Until the cute old lady is scanning your papers and she only has 4 papers. Ummm there are 5 of us? Crap where is Chandler's ticket? Of course I bought him one, of course I printed one. I'm OCD people I had all of the tickets and maps and coupons etc. all nicely filed in a file folder that I kept in the van until we got to the condo then they night before Sea World I took the tickets out of the folder and put them in the stroller and then in my purse and then handed them to the lady. Seriously? The Lord already fixed our car, so I figured we were out of the woods as far as vacation issues go. So I sent Chris back to the van to see if it was there. (even though I knew I left it in the folder in the condo because I don't ever remember seeing an extra piece of paper in the van) Which is another reason why it was awesome to be parked close. At this point, Mclayne, Delaney, and I were already through the gate so she just let Chandler in. When Chris came back and said it wasn't there, I told him just to go buy Chandler another ticket. Because really in the grand scheme of this vacation what is another $59? When at that moment we had another tender mercy bestowed upon us, and the lady said to Chris "It's ok he is already in, don't worry about it. It will be our secret." He said "are you sure?" Umm yes she's sure get your butt in here. We thanked her profusely and went to check out the Dolphins!
We saw EVERYTHING!!! Shamu, and the penguins, and the sharks. The park was not crowded at all, and we got on all the rides very quickly, and into the 4-D Elmo Show. For the first time EVER we actually got to touch the Bat Rays in the Bat pool. Delaney wasn't that interested in touching them so she just hung out, the wall however, was just over her head so when the rays would use their "wings" to swim by they would splash and in this picture she got splashed really good, and she was laughing so hard that some lady thought she was crying.
It was such a fun day. It rained a little bit in the evening. We didn't mind we are used to crappy weather.
On with our story. On our first full day we went to Sea World!!! I LOVE Sea World. There is just something so cool about these beautiful, graceful animals being so close and awesome, and it doesn't stink like the zoo. We got there right after it opened (which is key people if you are visiting these major attractions) arrive early!!! The reason you ask? Because no one else does, and you get a good parking spot and in the gates fast and you can see the major attractions first thing before the lines get too long.
We bought our tickets on-line, when you do this, you actually create and print a ticket for each member of the family with their name on the ticket. Then you just go to the gate they scan your paper and in you go. Until the cute old lady is scanning your papers and she only has 4 papers. Ummm there are 5 of us? Crap where is Chandler's ticket? Of course I bought him one, of course I printed one. I'm OCD people I had all of the tickets and maps and coupons etc. all nicely filed in a file folder that I kept in the van until we got to the condo then they night before Sea World I took the tickets out of the folder and put them in the stroller and then in my purse and then handed them to the lady. Seriously? The Lord already fixed our car, so I figured we were out of the woods as far as vacation issues go. So I sent Chris back to the van to see if it was there. (even though I knew I left it in the folder in the condo because I don't ever remember seeing an extra piece of paper in the van) Which is another reason why it was awesome to be parked close. At this point, Mclayne, Delaney, and I were already through the gate so she just let Chandler in. When Chris came back and said it wasn't there, I told him just to go buy Chandler another ticket. Because really in the grand scheme of this vacation what is another $59? When at that moment we had another tender mercy bestowed upon us, and the lady said to Chris "It's ok he is already in, don't worry about it. It will be our secret." He said "are you sure?" Umm yes she's sure get your butt in here. We thanked her profusely and went to check out the Dolphins!
We saw EVERYTHING!!! Shamu, and the penguins, and the sharks. The park was not crowded at all, and we got on all the rides very quickly, and into the 4-D Elmo Show. For the first time EVER we actually got to touch the Bat Rays in the Bat pool. Delaney wasn't that interested in touching them so she just hung out, the wall however, was just over her head so when the rays would use their "wings" to swim by they would splash and in this picture she got splashed really good, and she was laughing so hard that some lady thought she was crying.
It was such a fun day. It rained a little bit in the evening. We didn't mind we are used to crappy weather.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Vacation and Prayers
For the first time in 6 years we went on a family vacation. We have had some weekend getaways, and camping trips here and there but this is the first BIG family vacation we have been on for a long time. Plus, it is the first vacation that was just "us", just our little family. I totally realize that many of you probably don't give a crap about my vacation, but I need to document it before I forget and I don't have time to scrapbook right now so this is how it's gonna go. I'm going to blog a day at a time.
This vacation was seriously MAGICAL!!! I kid you not, we went to the Magic Kingdom, aka The Happiest Damn Place on Earth, aka Disneyland. We also put in a day at Sea World. In planning this vacation I kept having this anxious feeling (so not me) that something was going to go wrong. I just knew that it was too good to be true. We had the time off, we had the money saved and ready to be spent, we had a place to stay and we were going to DISNEYLAND!!!!
This is how our trip started on Friday night. We were making the first leg of the trip from our home to St. George UT. The kids were watching movies, and being really good, and it was generally a nice drive. We took some pictures to document our road trip. When we were about 5 hours from home and 45 minutes away from my Grandma's house where we were spending the night.
We stopped to stretch our legs, take a potty break and fill up the van. We pulled out of the gas station turned left and the van DIED!!! DIED!!! at 11:00 pm in a small city in Southern UT! Seriously? Seriously? Chris went back in the gas station to get a phone book, and I called the insurance company to see what our Roadside Assistance covered, and the kids prayed. Literally. They were scared we were on the side of the road, it was cold and our car wouldn't start. I was trying really hard to hold it together but I was really upset as well. I couldn't help but think our vacation was ruined. We weren't going to let some car trouble stop us from going, however, we didn't have major car repairs and/or rental car in the budget for this trip.
The insurance company sent a tow truck to pick us up and tow the truck to a repair shop, they also took us to a hotel around the corner. I was prepared for a large tow bill since it was late at night and we were in the middle of nowhere. But it was only $45 and the room was $60. Ok I could handle that, now onto what the car was going to cost us and could they get it done quick. That night we had a family prayer, that our car could get fixed quickly and we would be able to continue our vacation. Chris got up early and was at the repair shop when they opened the doors so he could give them the keys. He tried one last time to start the van. But it wasn't to be. So he left them the keys they said that it sounded like the fuel pump and they could get the parts and have it fixed for us that day. The hotel said we could do a late check out so we settled into our room for the duration. Luckily we had WiFi and movies so we were finding things to keep busy. I was REALLY upset but I was trying really hard to keep it together and make it fun for the kids. My dad offered to come and get the van so we could rent a car and get on the road, and my Grandma has an extra car that she could loan us as well. But we are big kids so we were just waiting to hear what the repair shop said. We also had our awesome friend Heidi offer to bring us tools or whatever we needed so Chris could fix it himself. We even had twitter friends wishing us luck. I just felt really blessed that so many people cared and were worried about us. Around 9:30 the guy from the repair shop called and said that he charged the battery and it started right up!! Then he drove it 10 miles, brought it back, and hooked it up to the scanner and it didn't throw any codes! What the hell?? I couldn't believe it. He said he couldn't find anything wrong with it. We could come and get it, and they weren't going to charge us anything! We quickly gathered our things and walked to the shop while I called everyone to tell them we were on our way! I just cried! I couldn't believe it. I know that there were lots of prayers said in our behalf and I am so grateful that we were able to get on our way. We did not have one second of trouble with the car for the rest of the week. It ran perfectly. So if that was what I was worried about, I think we were lucky. The rest of our week was like a dream! I'll share more magic later this week :)
This vacation was seriously MAGICAL!!! I kid you not, we went to the Magic Kingdom, aka The Happiest Damn Place on Earth, aka Disneyland. We also put in a day at Sea World. In planning this vacation I kept having this anxious feeling (so not me) that something was going to go wrong. I just knew that it was too good to be true. We had the time off, we had the money saved and ready to be spent, we had a place to stay and we were going to DISNEYLAND!!!!
This is how our trip started on Friday night. We were making the first leg of the trip from our home to St. George UT. The kids were watching movies, and being really good, and it was generally a nice drive. We took some pictures to document our road trip. When we were about 5 hours from home and 45 minutes away from my Grandma's house where we were spending the night.
We stopped to stretch our legs, take a potty break and fill up the van. We pulled out of the gas station turned left and the van DIED!!! DIED!!! at 11:00 pm in a small city in Southern UT! Seriously? Seriously? Chris went back in the gas station to get a phone book, and I called the insurance company to see what our Roadside Assistance covered, and the kids prayed. Literally. They were scared we were on the side of the road, it was cold and our car wouldn't start. I was trying really hard to hold it together but I was really upset as well. I couldn't help but think our vacation was ruined. We weren't going to let some car trouble stop us from going, however, we didn't have major car repairs and/or rental car in the budget for this trip.
The insurance company sent a tow truck to pick us up and tow the truck to a repair shop, they also took us to a hotel around the corner. I was prepared for a large tow bill since it was late at night and we were in the middle of nowhere. But it was only $45 and the room was $60. Ok I could handle that, now onto what the car was going to cost us and could they get it done quick. That night we had a family prayer, that our car could get fixed quickly and we would be able to continue our vacation. Chris got up early and was at the repair shop when they opened the doors so he could give them the keys. He tried one last time to start the van. But it wasn't to be. So he left them the keys they said that it sounded like the fuel pump and they could get the parts and have it fixed for us that day. The hotel said we could do a late check out so we settled into our room for the duration. Luckily we had WiFi and movies so we were finding things to keep busy. I was REALLY upset but I was trying really hard to keep it together and make it fun for the kids. My dad offered to come and get the van so we could rent a car and get on the road, and my Grandma has an extra car that she could loan us as well. But we are big kids so we were just waiting to hear what the repair shop said. We also had our awesome friend Heidi offer to bring us tools or whatever we needed so Chris could fix it himself. We even had twitter friends wishing us luck. I just felt really blessed that so many people cared and were worried about us. Around 9:30 the guy from the repair shop called and said that he charged the battery and it started right up!! Then he drove it 10 miles, brought it back, and hooked it up to the scanner and it didn't throw any codes! What the hell?? I couldn't believe it. He said he couldn't find anything wrong with it. We could come and get it, and they weren't going to charge us anything! We quickly gathered our things and walked to the shop while I called everyone to tell them we were on our way! I just cried! I couldn't believe it. I know that there were lots of prayers said in our behalf and I am so grateful that we were able to get on our way. We did not have one second of trouble with the car for the rest of the week. It ran perfectly. So if that was what I was worried about, I think we were lucky. The rest of our week was like a dream! I'll share more magic later this week :)
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The Promise of a New Day
Cheesy title I know, but this is what went through my mind when I got up this morning.
I love the saying "I'll sleep on it" and I don't believe that couples should never go to bed angry at each other. Because generally after I sleep on something.(my pillow) I feel better in the morning. It's a new day and it's fresh and I can make what I want of it.
I didn't go to bed last night mad at Chris or anyone else for that matter. I just felt heavy in my soul. I had some things happen yesterday that really bothered me (obsessive much?) and continued to let it bother me. I won't even go into it here, because it was really of no consequence, just part of my crazy. It seems everyday around 4 p.m. I feel tired emotionally, thinking that I have to do this all over again tomorrow.
So because of that heavy crazy feeling, I welcome with open arms the feeling I get in the morning when it's a new day. I haven't started feeling stressed yet, and yesterdays crap, is in the past I get to have a new day, and maybe at 4 p.m. I won't feel that way again. It could happen right?
I love the saying "I'll sleep on it" and I don't believe that couples should never go to bed angry at each other. Because generally after I sleep on something.(my pillow) I feel better in the morning. It's a new day and it's fresh and I can make what I want of it.
I didn't go to bed last night mad at Chris or anyone else for that matter. I just felt heavy in my soul. I had some things happen yesterday that really bothered me (obsessive much?) and continued to let it bother me. I won't even go into it here, because it was really of no consequence, just part of my crazy. It seems everyday around 4 p.m. I feel tired emotionally, thinking that I have to do this all over again tomorrow.
So because of that heavy crazy feeling, I welcome with open arms the feeling I get in the morning when it's a new day. I haven't started feeling stressed yet, and yesterdays crap, is in the past I get to have a new day, and maybe at 4 p.m. I won't feel that way again. It could happen right?
Friday, February 26, 2010
Don't be Alarmed
There will be crying! Lots of it.
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. ~Kurt Vonnegut
This has been my personal feeling on crying for a very long time. I HATE to cry, HATE like getting a zit on a day you have to speak. HATE like 20 degree weather for 4 months. HATE like people picking their kids up late everyday. I hope you get the picture. I HATE to cry. It's messy and embarrassing and I could honestly do with out it.
But if you have been keeping up you know that I am in therapy and I am using the blog to journal about my therapy progress in getting my mind back.
Apparently my lack of emotion is very damaging and extremely unhealthy. I personally have decided it is why I'm fat. (sounds good to me)
I rarely if ever cry in public. I'm pretty sure the last time that I completely lost it in front of people was when my grandma passed away almost 4 1/2 years ago which was fine because death is different. But crying because someone got an awesome home makeover is just not for me.
I avoid crying. I don't watch sad movies, I swallow a lot if I start to feel that emotion, and I absolutely do not watch Extreme Home Makeover, or a Baby Story. Because those shows will make you blubber faster than kids running for mac n cheese.
Don't get me completely wrong. I'm not a total cold hearted bitch. I "feel" like crying I just don't. I think it's ugly and weak and messy, uncomfortable and irritating.
Remember I'm sick. These feelings are wrong, but they are mine and I'm trying to change them.
Tearless grief bleeds inwardly. ~Christian Nevell Bovee
I think this is what is happening I'm bleeding internally because I'm not letting my feelings out. They get suppressed on the inside and it's really damaging.
So since my very first therapy session on Tuesday I have cried everyday. Even if it was just little tears I let it out. Instead of repressing them I let them out. AND if this isn't progress, someone saw me!!!! I know, it's really shocking probably more for Chris than anyone, the weird thing for me is that I don't think it really bothers him. He's probably thanking the Lord that his wife has feelings.
I'm also supposed to cry in front of my kids....we'll see. I'm also supposed to let them cry when they need to! BLEH! I'm working on it. I will be putting my foot down when it's just temper and screeching (Drama Daughter) but if they really NEED to cry then I am going to be more understanding.
Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away. Just let it out, my friend. ~Adabella Radici
So when you see me next if the tears are flowing freely, don't be alarmed I'm healing and learning how to "emote" I think it should make me thinner too. Maybe I should talk to my therapist about how I'm a little delusional :)
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. ~Kurt Vonnegut
This has been my personal feeling on crying for a very long time. I HATE to cry, HATE like getting a zit on a day you have to speak. HATE like 20 degree weather for 4 months. HATE like people picking their kids up late everyday. I hope you get the picture. I HATE to cry. It's messy and embarrassing and I could honestly do with out it.
But if you have been keeping up you know that I am in therapy and I am using the blog to journal about my therapy progress in getting my mind back.
Apparently my lack of emotion is very damaging and extremely unhealthy. I personally have decided it is why I'm fat. (sounds good to me)
I rarely if ever cry in public. I'm pretty sure the last time that I completely lost it in front of people was when my grandma passed away almost 4 1/2 years ago which was fine because death is different. But crying because someone got an awesome home makeover is just not for me.
I avoid crying. I don't watch sad movies, I swallow a lot if I start to feel that emotion, and I absolutely do not watch Extreme Home Makeover, or a Baby Story. Because those shows will make you blubber faster than kids running for mac n cheese.
Don't get me completely wrong. I'm not a total cold hearted bitch. I "feel" like crying I just don't. I think it's ugly and weak and messy, uncomfortable and irritating.
Remember I'm sick. These feelings are wrong, but they are mine and I'm trying to change them.
Tearless grief bleeds inwardly. ~Christian Nevell Bovee
I think this is what is happening I'm bleeding internally because I'm not letting my feelings out. They get suppressed on the inside and it's really damaging.
So since my very first therapy session on Tuesday I have cried everyday. Even if it was just little tears I let it out. Instead of repressing them I let them out. AND if this isn't progress, someone saw me!!!! I know, it's really shocking probably more for Chris than anyone, the weird thing for me is that I don't think it really bothers him. He's probably thanking the Lord that his wife has feelings.
I'm also supposed to cry in front of my kids....we'll see. I'm also supposed to let them cry when they need to! BLEH! I'm working on it. I will be putting my foot down when it's just temper and screeching (Drama Daughter) but if they really NEED to cry then I am going to be more understanding.
Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away. Just let it out, my friend. ~Adabella Radici
So when you see me next if the tears are flowing freely, don't be alarmed I'm healing and learning how to "emote" I think it should make me thinner too. Maybe I should talk to my therapist about how I'm a little delusional :)
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
On the Mend
I'm on the mend...I'm trying to get better. Did you know I was sick? Well I am, and I own it. I think I've been sick for most of my life. I have an extremely high level of depression and anxiety coupled with a need for perfection and obsessiveness.
I'm sick.
But I'm going to get better. I want to get better. I need to get better.
Because if I don't I'm going to lose it. I'm on my way to a nervous breakdown. The real kind, not just the ones you think you've heard about. But the real kind where people get put in the hospital and put on lots of medications and people whisper under their breath in church "hey did you hear about crazy?" I'm on my way to that.
I have help. I have a therapist, and I'm hopefully getting my meds changed soon. I have an amazing husband, and wonderful kids. I also have an amazing friend ( you know who you are) who is my soul sister and gets me on so many levels and even though I don't get to see her everyday ( or ever for that matter) I know she is always there, just as I am always here for her.
I'm going to be posting about this journey, it is part of my therapy. I was going to say "don't' think I'm crazy" but I'm way past that. This is my brand of crazy and I'm letting it out.
I have too much on my plate...I've said that before, but instead of taking things off the plate I've just been trying to get a bigger plate.
That doesn't work. I don't have a bigger plate, and trust me I've looked for them everywhere they are really expensive and I just can't afford one right now.
I'm letting some things go, maybe letting lots of things go for a while, and then when I'm better and I have better coping skills and tools, I will add things back onto the plate.
This means that I might say no a lot. I know that is a foreign word to come out of my mouth, but I will be doing lots of Thank you, but no, I really can't, I don't have time, thank you for telling me, but I can't today.
I hope that doesn't make anyone feel bad, but I can no longer feel bad for other people feeling bad. The only person from now that can make me feel bad is me, and I'm choosing not to feel bad for saying no from this day forward.
In order to be a better person, wife, and mother this is the path I have to take. It's uphill and there will be detours and obstacles that get in my way. But the important part is that I'm on the path.
I'm sick.
But I'm going to get better. I want to get better. I need to get better.
Because if I don't I'm going to lose it. I'm on my way to a nervous breakdown. The real kind, not just the ones you think you've heard about. But the real kind where people get put in the hospital and put on lots of medications and people whisper under their breath in church "hey did you hear about crazy?" I'm on my way to that.
I have help. I have a therapist, and I'm hopefully getting my meds changed soon. I have an amazing husband, and wonderful kids. I also have an amazing friend ( you know who you are) who is my soul sister and gets me on so many levels and even though I don't get to see her everyday ( or ever for that matter) I know she is always there, just as I am always here for her.
I'm going to be posting about this journey, it is part of my therapy. I was going to say "don't' think I'm crazy" but I'm way past that. This is my brand of crazy and I'm letting it out.
I have too much on my plate...I've said that before, but instead of taking things off the plate I've just been trying to get a bigger plate.
That doesn't work. I don't have a bigger plate, and trust me I've looked for them everywhere they are really expensive and I just can't afford one right now.
I'm letting some things go, maybe letting lots of things go for a while, and then when I'm better and I have better coping skills and tools, I will add things back onto the plate.
This means that I might say no a lot. I know that is a foreign word to come out of my mouth, but I will be doing lots of Thank you, but no, I really can't, I don't have time, thank you for telling me, but I can't today.
I hope that doesn't make anyone feel bad, but I can no longer feel bad for other people feeling bad. The only person from now that can make me feel bad is me, and I'm choosing not to feel bad for saying no from this day forward.
In order to be a better person, wife, and mother this is the path I have to take. It's uphill and there will be detours and obstacles that get in my way. But the important part is that I'm on the path.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Perfectly Ordinary Day
My mom sent me this and it made me get a little teary which is something I generally try not to do. But I totally see myself in this video, and thought it was really touching. I talk to Chris all the time about how they are only little for a little while, and this is what I mean.
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